Prayer used to be something that was scary to Natasha. From the way she heard prayers were made, she had the idea that prayer had to be complicated and that made her insecure about what to say. Whenever she prayed, she found her focusing on how well she said her prayers. Through her prayers she also didn't understand what she was praying.
Her first breakthrough in prayer came during a camp when she was asked to pray for the person next to her. She was afraid at first but God prompted her to focus on what she wanted to pray over the person rather than on the words that came out of her mouth. When the focus shifted, she found herself being more confident in the prayer.
Over the years, her prayer life has strengthened as she grew in her understanding of God. When she fell in love with scripture, she found her prayer life transformed. Through prayer, she now looks at herself as a vessel for God to speak to.
Natasha also came to realize that prayer is not about her. That it is not about asking and demanding her wants from God, but rather when she prays, she yearns to seek God, His glory and His presence. Through this, she found power and joy through prayer.
She focuses on the relationship and communion with God rather than what she can ‘gain’ through prayer.
In 2021, Natasha took up new responsibilities within the lifegroup and was serving at a capacity she had not served at before. Things were tough for her, and although she pressed in to do everything well, she saw her heart grow stagnant in time. She was tired but she kept going, serving with her own strength.
As her heart drifted from her first love, she started to find herself desiring what the world had to offer - a stable future, friends, validation. This went on for months and it led her to feel far from God.
Natasha came to a point to decide that she did not want to be in this state anymore. She decided to regularly take time to intentionally pray and seek, commune with Him. Some days were tough, some days were trying, but she disciplined herself to come to that place everyday. Slowly but surely, through her desperation and cries to God, God slowly softened her heart and broke her heart. She felt that God gave her a new heart to listen to Him.
Natasha's encouragement to the readers is to be still when we come to God. Stripping ourselves of every distractions, worries and burdens; simply come to Him with an open heart. God knows what we need and will speak the words that you need to hear.